Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
