Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize