He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
