you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
