hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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