and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
