dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
