i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
