This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
