I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
