walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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