what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
