Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
