I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
