elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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