morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who died my cat blue again?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
