what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
