Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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