it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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