There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
