I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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