I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
