We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
