If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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