Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize