You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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