Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
