I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
