That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
