My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
