we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your penis caused this!
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