i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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