you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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