You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
