I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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