best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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