a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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