i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
