You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
