So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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