your thong is hanging out like whoa
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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