Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come on in and take your pants off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
