I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
