So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
