By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
