I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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