my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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