How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize