Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
