Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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