I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
