mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
