I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
