Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize