Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
