it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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