It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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