They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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