Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize