covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just pynch a tree in the face
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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