So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
