How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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