I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
