I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize