It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
