She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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