so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
