He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
