my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
