if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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