So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
