The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
