what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
