good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
