All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
