He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
