I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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