I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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