I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
