he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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