They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
