we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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