barbara walters just said penis...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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