Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
